Sorry, but this has way too much text to my liking. I might be well written, but I lost my interest after a minute or so.
This might be interesting for a small audience, but not for me.

I really like the art though!

Quite pretty and nice story. Well done (:

Very nice art. Maybe try to take advantage of that by imposing the text on the image (so that the player can see both at once?)

I enjoyed the idea of playing a dragon, and the story and art. I think this would've been more enjoyable to play if the text and options had been in a column to the side of the screen, instead of at the bottom.

very nice art

too much text. i hardly read about 5 lines and kept clicking the option one after another, and finally one worked.
but anyways, i LOVE the art! Well done!

Interesting story but the text layout was a bit hard to follow. It would be easier to read if the paragraphs were broken up more.

Art was really nice and the story was lots of fun.

Unique idea, I'm a big fan on hand drawn stuff!
Maybe try left justifying you text though, center justify is hard to read for long sections of text because your eye can't follow a clear line in-between lines to get back to the left side (thing I learned in Typography)

Nice game, well put together. Echoing what others have said, the text could be reduced to maybe shorter sharp sentences to help keep your audiences attention. You have the excellent imagery anyway to describe whats going on. Well done.

beautiful game, love the artwork, and the concept of using an interative book as a game is very cool. Well done.

Nice story game but, as others said, the text labels are getting stuck one on top of the others. Great art!!!

I liked the blue dragon. Would have been cool to see some art of the town burning when I lit it on fire. You could use the same village art but just add some flames and burnt stuff.

Good art and good story, but i miss something like chapterwaypoints. If you come quite far and eat your damsel, you have to go from start again and after the second or third time it became a little frustrating.
But is so well made that i still wanted to see the end ;)

This game is really cute! I agree that each passage has too much text for such an action-packed game; I found myself skipping over it in excitement for making each choice. It felt like I could start to kind of get the hang of a sort of system to which choices were right, but ultimately I lost interest before getting to a win condition.

Pretty fun! Certainly writing all that text in one weekend is an accomplishment, I can attest to that. ;) It was all executed well, I only had a couple of things I didn't like. First, there was this...world of dragons and castles that isn't given much justification, other than "You know, it's just like in all the stories". I often found myself wondering, "But WHY would I...". I suppose asking for more in one weekend might be too much, though? The other thing was that I felt there should be more 'checkpoints'. I get why you wanted the player to go through it again and again...well, actually I don't really, but I guess I can respect the decision. It's just that, the third time through the player is just thinking "Okay, which did I click last time, this one, this one, this one..." and just being taken right out of the story.

But, overall, good work!

Loved the story and the art. Some soothing background music and maybe the sound of a turning page would have enhanced the overall experience. But for what it is, it is good. Well Done!

Hi guys! Thanks for all the comments, we really appreciate all the feedback!

Overall, we were aiming to do something a little different with this game. Our artist got to have really cool experience in being able to do traditional illustrations for a game, and I got to do some more in-depth writing. All our past games as a studio have been small, and traditional, so lots of sprites, and backgrounds, etc, and lighter in the story department, so this was a chance to play a bit.

I've mucked around a very tiny bit in Twine before, and the artist had never used it, so part of the reason things are the way they are is just too little time working with a new engine. We've learned a bunch, so hopefully we can improve story formatting, and add extra features like sound in future games. And maybe fix up this one.
Plus, I ran out of time for a final edit. So yes, there should be more paragraph breaks. That much I know.

As for writing style, and sentence length, I'm used to more traditional fiction writing. I don't normally have images to lean on, and there is a large part of me that believes that writing, even when it's intended to be delivered with visual media, still ought to be able to stand on its own.
Still, there's never a perfect piece and there are probably a few places where sentences can be tightened and made more svelte. That's editing for you.

No chapter waypoints was a deliberate choice, but it sounds like that's pretty frustrating for people, even for something on the shorter side, so something to keep in mind for the future.

We really do appreciate all the comments. Especially me, since it'd be pretty easy for me to keep doing personal project Twine games in the future.

@chaoseed
Yeah, backstory for the world was something we joked about a little during the jam. It's sort of a "riff" on "all those stories." Time contraints do always make things interesting, and I'm a little rusty, I don't write as often as I should.
Plus what's here is already a little text heavy for people, so we'd either need to cram things into the images, try and slip things in here and there, or include an option to read supplemental material.
Length (especially) and world building (which I haven't done excessive amounts of) are something I want to play with more in the future, as a result of this effort, and people's comments.

"damsels do not count as health items" - lol! Excellent game, and beautiful graphics! One thing I'd suggest, though, is to have smaller pictures: I had to scroll up and down to go from picture to text, and it can grow tiresome. Otherwise, excellent work! I love the humor in it :)

It's a quite good entry, I love text adventure games.
Looks good, it's funny, but it's annoying that it always drops you back to the beginning...
...which wouldn't be a problem if there were multiple branches of good right decisions, but I guess it's still okay.

In the long run, I can only say one thing: Keep up the good work!

Kardfogú of Creative Sectors, out.

Beautyful!

My concentration span generally isn't long enough for text adventure games but this was pretty cute. Loving the storybook aesthetic on show here , and the writing is good too. Nice job!