Hum, I'm not much a very expert at writing or with novels, so I may be mistaken with somethings.
So, maybe it is my taste, but I don't like when I'm reading and there is too much things going on at same time, especially without a visual or auditive feedback, makes it hard to follow.
I really like the presentation of your game, the colors choosen are good and the begining sets the tone.
There isn't many text game/visual novels at ludum dare, I hope to see more! :)

The intention to be the game interactive is good, just need more animation.

I need graphics!

Somewhere along the lines, the game part of the game just.... didn't happen. Nice idea though, a bit more interactivity is much needed though. It was written very well.

Ahhh, I got shot. I think the story needs a lot of work, beyond the grammatical and spelling errors it describes too much action without any buy-in or characterization of the people in it.

I have nothing against choose-your-own-adventure type gameplay, though it's usually a good idea to avoid life-or-death choices when you have no possibility to find out which would be the right choice. :) It just becomes trial and error otherwise, and it's a bit frustrating. It was a nice attempt though, I like the only-one-person-you-can-trust concept.

difficult entry. loads of text and hard core theme.

but thumbs up for the courage of doing this!

very cool and innovative use of twine, though i find the story a little confusing with all the characters and stuff that's happening.

really like the way you use that map, haven't seen that before.

@kristoffer zetterberg Yes!!! Someone like the map idea!

@HellBlazer it's not implemented but i think in put audio to indicate life/death choices.

@FrederickK I write too much, but the initial idea was a Zelda-like game, the use of Twine was a plan B.

You've added quite a lot of nice bells and whistles to Twine here (I like how the image moved depending on which room you went to), and the intro sequence is cool. While the storyline has been done before, it is quite dramatic. I do like that the game gives you a concrete goal early on, before you get too bogged down in the various characters' in-fighting. The amount of writing seems to be pretty much right.

However, there was nothing to really pull me in. The story introduced me to a large number of characters, but there was nothing to make me care much about them. Having a bit of description rather than just dialogue would probably help a lot.

Also, while I haven't beaten it yet, there isn't a whole lot of gameplay here. It's pretty much "explore the house and try not to get killed".

The dialogue is pretty cheesy, with a lot of multiple exclamation marks. I have to admit, however, I got a laugh out of: "He's a gangster! The most powerful man in the city! He must have more than just some hookers and coke!"

In short, nice mix of Twine with visuals, and the concept isn't bad, but suffers from cheesy writing and no real ability to do much. I might come back and try to beat it later.

List of typoes and grammar mistakes:

"powerfull" should be "powerful"

"she has famouos to be addicted to drugs" should be "she is famous for being addicted to drugs".

"Enter in the basement" doesn't need "in"

"this jews is all this motherfucker have here" doesn't really make sense (and it should be "has", not "have").

"ganster" should be "gangster"

"this morons" should be "these morons"

"John try" should be "tries"

"Not as much I can find here" sounds like it should be "Not as much as I can find here"

"Russell shoot in Rodney" should be "Russell shoots Rodney"

"bodyguards deads" should be "dead bodyguards"

"se" should be "see"

"aorund" should be "around"

"Scott" isn't capitalised at one point (in the "go to the hall" scene).

Impressive work with Twine, and also I like the dialogue!

Very impressive. I can't decide if I love this game or hate this game, which must be a good thing, I guess.

I played the submitted version, and then I played the post-compo version. The addition of the animations and fixed up text make all the difference in the world with regards to playability.

@Christina Nordlander i put you in the credits because your feedback was awesome. Thank you very much.

I have a question regarding the code of your game. Specifically, this one line of Javascript:

TAudio.playRandom(params[0],params[1],params[2],params[3],params[4],params[5],params[6],params[7],params[8],params[9],params[10],params[11],params[12],params[13],params[14],params[15],params[16],params[17],params[18],params[19],params[20],params[21],params[22],params[23],params[24],params[25],params[26],params[27],params[28],params[29],params[30],params[31],params[32],params[33],params[34],params[35],params[36],params[37],params[38],params[39],params[40],params[41],params[42],params[43],params[44],params[45],params[46],params[47],params[48],params[49],params[50],params[51],params[52]);

Any reason you used this instead of the much simpler

TAudio.playRandom.apply(params)

?

Innovative ! Interesting entry, good work !

Hard story... But... You made this all in 48 hours! Thumbs up! ;-)

Narrative was interesting and I liked your interpretation of the theme.

Gritty theme. Nice job!

found it a little confusing, but your postmortem cleared up some of that. good luck!