IT. IS. ALIVE!

Greetings creation! It is I, Dr. Frankenstein's protégé, Dr. Stu Pendage, MD. If you are reading this, then eureka! The literacy brain implant is working. Also I am dead. But before I died, I poured my blood, sweat, tears, and kidney into creating YOU, my beautiful monstrosity. Now, the local villagers probably won't take too kindly to seeing someone as beautiful as you, so if you see a big group of them fetching pitchforks and swords, turn and run the other way. Oh, also your limbs will probably deteriorate over time, so you'll need to do some upkeep- maybe tear off an arm or leg no one's using and slap it in the ol' socket. That's about all you need to worry about: death by an angry mob or the rapid decay of all your limbs. Other than that, I only ask that you go out there and LIVE, my child!

With love, Dr. Stu Pendage, MD