I won't lie to you, that's the truth right now.

In just a few hours, I will try to participate in Ludum Dare again.

My last participation amounted to 2 hours of sheer panic and blank page syndrome during LD 34. It took me over a year to 'dare' face enrolling again after my meltdown at LD 34.

I'm not a video game creator. I'm a C# developer by trade, but I make boring accounting-type software. I know nothing of making a video game aside from basic text games I made 15 years ago on my calculator.

After only 2 hours of panicking and producing absolutely nothing, I forfeited during LD 34. My dream was to make something I would be proud of, something I could show to my friends, something meaningful, before I turned 30. That ship has sailed and I had a full year to reflect on my failings and on how much I didn't know myself.

This time, I'm entering with a much more modest goal. I am not even hoping to complete a game within the 48 hours limit. If by some miracle I have something playable, I will publish it. But I'm only entering to prove to myself that I can do it. I can surpass the blank page. I can avoid a total meltdown. I am stronger than my anxiety wants me to believe. And if I happen to learn a thing or two about the tools or myself in the process, all the better.

So I guess, what I mean is "I'm in again", for better or for worse.