oobleck<\/a>. The harder I pushed, the harder it was to move. And then I started to fall. I caught myself with the cart, but it wasn’t enough. I fell mid-stride, in slow motion.<\/p>\n And then I hear, plain as day, the sound of cloth tearing. My pants ripped from crotch to knee and I went all the way down into a stunning split. And as I’m toppling over, the only thing I can think are “My balls are dragging on the ground. That’s really cold.”<\/p>\n
My SO barks some orders, and apparently I have just enough presence of mind to follow them, aand pull myself across the ground with my arms. I come to some time later(snow says it was like two minutes) with a poncho over me, and snow asking if I can stand. I can’t. I kinda lapse into the after shocks. So here’s this lady who thinks I’m having a normal seizure, which fair enough, and is trying to be helpful by telling me not to try to move.<\/p>\n
Problem is, I’m not trying to move, I’m dry heaving and occasionally twitching. I understand now it looks the same from the outside. All I can think is “C’mere lady, I wanna puke on your shoes.” Not nice of me, not fair of me, but it’s what I was thinking.<\/p>\n
Anyway, the manager comes over with a wheel chair, and wouldn’t you know it, the wheels won’t lock. I tell them to hold it steady as I try and pull myself up. I manage to sort of fall upward, but not far enough. I think “well, maybe I can use the foot bits as a seat…” That doesn’t work, and for a moment, I think I’m going to have to pay for it, but they spring back after I fall into a metal bar. Which, at least lets me steady myself. So, I finally manage to get onto one knee and grab the chair and sorta.. throw myself back.<\/p>\n
So, I’m in a wheel chair, with my junk half hanging out, covered in a poncho, and they hand me a bottle of water. I’m wheeling myself, because is is not the first time I’ve been in a wheel chair. So there’s no place to put it but my lap.<\/p>\n
Everything’s fine until the poncho gets caught in the wheel. It pulls just enough to drop the fucking water bottle right on my balls.I downed the water after that.<\/p>\n
She gets me some new pants, we check out, and I have to go get changed. I’m in a wheel chair, and… Of course they don’t have an automatic door. I try to push through, I make no headway forward. So I turn around… And run into the water fountain. Then I make it into the door part way, only to get caught on the lip, and the accursed door spanks my ass back out of the bathroom.<\/p>\n
I skid into a damn checkout line, and I look up at the cashier, eyes bulging, in a damn wheelchair, and ask “can you help me into the bathroom?”<\/p>\n
I change my pants without further incident. as I’m starting to get my strength back. I get spanked out of the bathroom again, and skid into a bizarre victory lap. I get to the door, stand shakily, put the wheelchair back, and say to snow, as I’m standing in front of the guy who checks receipts “Snow, give me the receipt so he won’t repossess my pants.”He pretty much dies laughing.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So, I’m going to try to contribute, but I’m going to be a bit loopy for a while. On the bright side, gave me something to do for this theme. If I can concentrate enough to do it.<\/p>\n
Edit: And I screwed the pooch on the cuts. Yay.<\/p>","time":"August 22nd, 2014 9:04 pm","title":"Down, but not out"}