It's a little tough to find things to say because it's not very gameplay-driven. Maybe if there had been some way to have the narrative unfold as the player interacts with the world, rather than it being an animation with a short sequence in between, it might have been more engaging. The music, however, added a lot and really helped sell the mood.

This is a tough game to review or even rate. I'm not sure if it qualifies as a game. But I know it has worth. To say what you should improve really depends on what you were aiming for. You said you were aiming for the emotion in this one.
I think you conveyed emotion, possibly of being alone. The emotion I picked up from this was teenage depression, self pity.

I think the art style in the room works really well. Outside of the room it felt less consistent. The buildings seemed rushed, along with the clouds.

As for the poem itself. This isn't a poetry jam so I won't rate it based on the poem. But this game was essentially a poem. It wasn't my taste in poetry. It was predictable and metaphors were scant.

I think this is good though, I am glad I played/watched it. And I'm interested to read your post mortem and see what you were going for when you made it.

Nice work, and keep it up,

Canyon

Oh yeah I forgot to mention how great the music was. It was excellent.

I think this games strengths was theme, mood, and audio. I liked the graphics in the room, there was design consistency, and it felt lonely.

The game wasn't humorous, or fun. I think it needed a branching storyline, or choice, player agency to actually be considered a game.

i didn't like it. poetry usually doesn't do much for me though.

There is a story but no gameplay, only few seconds of play and i can replay it without seeing the story again.

Maybe you should let the player walk by himself during the "intro", it's an easy to way to make the game more interactive and thus less boring.
But I don't mean the game is boring, I love this kind of meaningful games, but not everybody does.